It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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