where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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