Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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