i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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