Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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