It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
