Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
