Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
