Soap is not a condiment
no, he came in my armpit
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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