Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
