Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
