Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
