My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
