If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
