Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
