Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
