I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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