Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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