Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
