Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Umm I'm too high to move.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
