omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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