Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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