i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
