Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
