I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
