I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
