So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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