The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
