My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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