im six kinds of drunk right now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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