Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've blown a few things in my day
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
