Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
