I smell stomach acid.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
