we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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