i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
