Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
