i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
