so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
