maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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