who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
