when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
