i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
