it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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