ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bang-toberfest begins!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
