Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
