so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
