I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
