In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sext me about skeletons
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
