I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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