where am i from again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
